Thursday, 10 December 2015

Day 41 -To Wanganui

I had a restless night not only because my leg was letting me know it wasn't happy, but also because I was chewing over whether I really wanted to get back on the trail or not. There is a very big part of me that is ready to go home and it's not because the trail can be tough or that I don't think I'd make it.

I know I can make it, I've already proven it to myself.  I know I am strong enough and brave enough and stubborn enough to make it through. The questions I am trying to answer are 'Do I need to?' or 'Do I need to right now?'

I am struggling because I am not a quitter and if I stop it feels like a definite 'DNF'.  I've been talking about coming home after the North Island with friends and coming back to do the South Island another time for a while now, but I'm actually feeling that I might be ready to come home now and that maybe my journey needs to head elsewhere for a while.

But I would miss my trail family a lot.

I'm keen to do some art and while I anticipated being able to draw everyday on the trail it hasn't worked out like that. I've carried those pencils every step of the way and looked at them every time I set up camp or got my journal out. A bit like a puzzle that I hadn't been able to solve but hadn't given up on.

I want to see my old dog. I want to dead head my roses.

I've given myself until tomorrow morning to decide.  We walked around the Wanganui shops and I opened some of those little books that have those motivational quotes - most unhelpful. The first one I opened to a blank page, the second to a quote that said I had the talent to follow my dreams.
I asked the teller in the blank and she just chuckled. Pete said whatever decision I make is Ok by him.

As I said - most unhelpful.

I spent the afternoon rechecking my notes, I have some big distances in my plan that probably aren't realistic so rejigging in my head and rather than an impossible 5 days, probably about 8-10 days left of walking to get into Wellington. Also thought  a lot about what more can do to get weight down and what I can send home.

If I went back on the trail.

Pigeon xx


  1. You should do what you need to do. Whatever you do will be fine by that helpful? Either way you are a legend.

    1. Thanks Maxine - it takes one to know one!

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